Rhonda Ellis has this neat program at her house one Tuesday a month called Ladies Night Out. It's a time for moms to get together, have dinner, and hear practical, Godly wisdom from a mom of 6 who actually has some things figured out. I know she is not perfect, but she has let the Lord teach her and build her into an amazing mom and I feel blessed to be able to listen to her share some the things she's learned over the years.
Last night's topic was Respect. Respect for adults, respect for our husbands, and respecting our children. I will admit I left in tears. Not bad tears, but good ones. Have you ever been at a place in your life where you are just overwhelmed? I feel like I'm there right now. Last night just confirmed it. I so want Katelyn and Caroline to grow up loving God. I want them to make right choices not out of fear, but out of love for Christ. So much of what I have done right in my life was because of the fear I would let my parents, or my youth pastor or my husband down. I'm tired of feeling that way. I want my love of Christ to be the driving force in all the "whys." Know what I mean?
But here's where the problem comes in. How do you do that? How do you move from fear to love? How do you change a mindset you've had (subconsciously or not) for most of your life? That's where I am. How do I move from doing my quiet time because I know I should, to doing it because I truly love Jesus and want to spend time with Him? How do I share my faith because I am truly concerned about the lost instead of because I know I'm "supposed" to? And then there's the main question...How do I teach my child to do it out of a love when I'm not?
It all comes back to me. There is so much that God is showing me in my own life that I'm just overwhelmed. How can I tell Katelyn and Caroline one thing, and live a different way? The older I get and the further along I get in my christian walk, the more I realize how much farther I have to go.
We also talked how we, as women and moms, set the tone in our homes. Are we always looking at things critically or are we forthcoming with praise for our family? Rhonda talked about the importance of lavishing praise on our family and making our home a safe place, free of bullying, criticism, and sarcasm. That last point got me. How often do I make sarcastic remarks to those I love most? That does nothing to build them up. She challenged us to start a study of the Proverbs and I think I'm going to do it. I've read the book of Proverbs many times, but not often have I stopped to truly examine what the verses are saying. What better wisdom to seek than that of the Lord's?
So as you can see, I'm trying to get real with myself. I am asking the Lord to do a major renovation of my heart. I want to be open with my fears, insecurities, and failures and use those things to remind myself how I NEED Jesus everyday. I would covet and appreciate your prayers.